lost somewhere

i feel as if i am lost somewhere. out there in the real world, i miss being able to write on a daily basis. to explore more things. time has sped up so fast that it has been a month since marriage. hardly ever i notice time now  a days and it passes by so fast. it has never happened before.


loads of data, here and there



last week, visited the doctor, as i was completely down with dehydration and fever. a woman visited the dr. – who took out his prescriptions for the last few weeks  and brought him new books – for new ones. a thought came to my mind, that the data might have been taken just for some form of computer entry and the prescriptions were being computerised somehow of all the doctors in that specific suburban area. then came the thought of a database – that the data collecting company would be making of – combinations of the medicines that the doctor was offering to the patients.

what if the doctors in that area are somehow sponsored by some medical company which gathers this data, makes these medicines with different names than those of its competitors and tries to sell its own products instead of some competitors being sold. this is what makes the word “data” such handy thing to be @ hands.

recently (last year – might be) i had read some articles in which chips were being inserted in the arm bands to check the blood pressure, heart rates etc… again loads of data.  times seems close when computers will tell you what to eat and what not… Sir, your bp is high please remove the salt in your plate..

somehow i think with advancements in technology we are missing the simplicity we had before.


image : from Google search on clinical data research.

leap of faith

the ways in which the followers and masters differ in their attitude lies in their application of a thought – a giant leap of faith. the masters are so overwhelmed with the thought of surrendering fully, they have already give up the thought of i and then they do not get into another thinking of their own self ~ be it be any goals or desires.

this might differentiate the followers from their master’s.

the desire.


fanaa, i came to know, means destruction. just some references to this word came from one of favorite ARR song, from the movie Yuva. and yes, an aamir khan movie (havn’t seen it completely yet!).

destruction gives way for a new beginning, and yes, as always we start the things anew. some mistakes might have been made previously, but erasing the old ones and trying something new – might result in something very different from the one present now. or everytime.

the world they say, is striving for perfection, but when this phase will end, if a complete perfection is achieved, well, then it might bring on something new again. a fresh start.  the rumours of 2012 have been completely exaggerated in that sense.


one more birthday!



Birthday thought

Birthday thought


this year has been has been full of revelations, taking turns and rounds – never would have thought of. unexpected turns here and there, haven’t found a direction yet for the future yet after passing a hard-earned exam and have found a soul mate for life on the other hand. holding hands on hands together committed for facing the unexpected.

life is such a journey that the path is so undefined and with no course offered on hand for facing the things it teaches us. was listening to steve jobs’ lecture the last two days. his 3 points great to listen and interpret. his leaving college and attending calligraphy classes, which till date have influenced the keyboards on which we type, his other point of love and loss and finally – straight forward views on death – as a change agent. i am not trying to go on the philosophical side, but yes, his views are so good that you sometimes think – the amount of huge literature he must have gone through – of various religions – to follow the same path.

i am yet to celebrate today’s day, but in time, return on this post to what we think about our lives and how do we live them. we as people are like dots connected here and there, meeting and leaving after some time. i am so influenced by a thought in high school, teaching us of being mortals – that we – humans are like the planks of wood floating on the water. we are together till we are, but our directions change as soon as the under current changes the flow of the woods floating above the surface.

i feel grateful, to those who have kept their faith in the goodness in me, and those who forgave me every-time for my mistakes. i never wholeheartedly intended to repeat those mistakes, but like always have unconventional views on getting them corrected as soon as my view on them matches yours.

my belief’s have been hammered all those times from when i have carried them and i never know if they will stay with me till the end. good times are less and normalcy sucks our life most of the times. yes, that’s true. as people try to be above normal lives, they in turn try to keep on pretending not what they are. that’s where my fiancé has given a turn around in my thoughts by asking to be – what i am ‘actually’ and never carrying the load of being what i want to be.

status changes from single to committed to married and i guess, changes will continue to come and go. as we are already happy to take what is good and leave the bad things back, hope that this change takes the life to yet another level. 

well, whats your say then about your life till now…. feeling satisfied? one friend asked. i said yes and no. yes, because i took the way it came and no, ‘coz it would have been different if the key strokes to paint it in my way would have been completely different. here’s where we lack in knowledge and technology as we cannot draw the points in the front direction but we can connect them backwards. that’s human and so are we – like puppets in the hands of the Lord. what happens – happens as per his wishes – that’s all we can say.

Agent Vinod – Movie Review



Well, first things first. I liked this movie even though I have read too much critical reviews of it, some even criticising the way of director’s treatment.

Saif and his aide, played by Ravi Kishan ~ Major Rajan, try to hunt down terrorists and have some information about the activities going on their minds. Rajan is captured and killed when he comes to know about a device called 242.

We come to know that Saif is a RAW agent named Agent Vinod and takes on his own to discover a nuclear and portable – explosive device referred to as 242 most of the times, which can be unlocked by a book from the old days. Iram – the character played by Kareena is a UK based Pakistani girl, who is working for the ISI chief – unknown to the other people of the same organisation, elsewhere.

The globe trotting adventure takes us to places not seen in so many numbers in a Bollywood movie, where the couple, sometimes playing on the same side, sometimes against each other decide to take down the revenge on the masterminds behind the plot.

The direction is good, story is fast paced, but the narrative would have been much better is the characters were less as well as the places this movie has been shot. Viewers have to take into consideration – the above factors. 

Music is good, though Pritam has been caught many a times for lifting the music.

Overall a nice watch if you like the likes of Bond or Bourne or MI series.  Saif tries to rescue the film from the nasty plot but this could have been much better if movie was edited as per its Hollywood’s counterparts.


the way i am

about 4-5 years ago, a good friend of mine, attributing to the personality factor of mine, once said to me – that shekhar – keeping everybody happy isn’t an easy task and the amount of sacrifice you will do for keeping everybody’s feeling intact ~ will infact start hurting you at some point or other. At this moment of time, you will reflect upon you past deeds and feel sorry for getting that pressure on self.

the point stays today with me too. how much more to stretch is the question. god willing i will. but nonetheless the  point of time discussed above will arrive sooner or later anytime. the way of committing self to anything i had interest has stretched me too far. in this longing for interest, i have lost myself somehow.

dwelling in the ideas of somebody else cannot generate new ideas and hence, kills the main concept of creativity and resurgence of the self, and somehow i am feeling captivated in the image of the person i always wanted to be be but somehow will fall short of the perfect me. this fad of having a perfect self has been nutured for long but being ideal in every situation is better than being perfect as it lends much more space.

by the way, i have observed that it is only us as individuals who judge ourselves for being perfect. but our parents, relatives and friends – never reject who we are actually, just wanting us to perform better or who so ever we are. they feel happy if we outperform but its the time  that matters. its difficult to judge someone in according to a particular situation as one would act differently at any given time in his life according to his/her experiences. so imagining to many people in the same situations – and feeling that they would act differently would also prove otherwise if they always would knew the results first or looking back they would have thought of acting differently.

i, as always, have no second thought of having done wrong in any case, though  its my personal belief. but in any such case, others might have thought of having this person – if had acted  differently – would haven’t landed at this place. its where i am but its the place where i would have been.

the other thought, that took me by surprise was, others expected me to do some radical things, which they themselves never carried out and rather went back the way from we had started. i still continued the way for years, but find myself too far often, though they still try to come this way, but are afraid of it, or can’t imagine coming this way. i stand here isolated and single with no hand for help. but there’s always a point of return and yes, thats the way to be sought out now after all a few words of praise as a son or a brother or as a lover can be motivating than the heavy load of imaginations.

well, one person cannot carry out many roles with inefficiency, but he can be happy carrying out a single role effectively. this is where i thought, nadan parinde from rockstar, was sung for.