about 4-5 years ago, a good friend of mine, attributing to the personality factor of mine, once said to me – that shekhar – keeping everybody happy isn’t an easy task and the amount of sacrifice you will do for keeping everybody’s feeling intact ~ will infact start hurting you at some point or other. At this moment of time, you will reflect upon you past deeds and feel sorry for getting that pressure on self.
the point stays today with me too. how much more to stretch is the question. god willing i will. but nonetheless the point of time discussed above will arrive sooner or later anytime. the way of committing self to anything i had interest has stretched me too far. in this longing for interest, i have lost myself somehow.
dwelling in the ideas of somebody else cannot generate new ideas and hence, kills the main concept of creativity and resurgence of the self, and somehow i am feeling captivated in the image of the person i always wanted to be be but somehow will fall short of the perfect me. this fad of having a perfect self has been nutured for long but being ideal in every situation is better than being perfect as it lends much more space.
by the way, i have observed that it is only us as individuals who judge ourselves for being perfect. but our parents, relatives and friends – never reject who we are actually, just wanting us to perform better or who so ever we are. they feel happy if we outperform but its the time that matters. its difficult to judge someone in according to a particular situation as one would act differently at any given time in his life according to his/her experiences. so imagining to many people in the same situations – and feeling that they would act differently would also prove otherwise if they always would knew the results first or looking back they would have thought of acting differently.
i, as always, have no second thought of having done wrong in any case, though its my personal belief. but in any such case, others might have thought of having this person – if had acted differently – would haven’t landed at this place. its where i am but its the place where i would have been.
the other thought, that took me by surprise was, others expected me to do some radical things, which they themselves never carried out and rather went back the way from we had started. i still continued the way for years, but find myself too far often, though they still try to come this way, but are afraid of it, or can’t imagine coming this way. i stand here isolated and single with no hand for help. but there’s always a point of return and yes, thats the way to be sought out now after all a few words of praise as a son or a brother or as a lover can be motivating than the heavy load of imaginations.
well, one person cannot carry out many roles with inefficiency, but he can be happy carrying out a single role effectively. this is where i thought, nadan parinde from rockstar, was sung for.