the way things end up is unknown. i am going through a new phase that is for sure. the end signifies a new start – for amny a times (not always!). i am unknown how this phase will end up but as always the prospects for every opportunity – keep you motivated.
but hell, this time i am demotivated. by self, by surroundings and by the fate of this creature called shekharonline.
the untimely maturity has taken me to nowhere and there is nothing left to be enjoyed. sorrows are plate full and you cannot take joys like a pinch of salt and enjoy the whole meal. sorry i am no saint.
being mortal and humane – brings share of pains – with it. you have to be ready to suffer anytime, any where – where the bloody guy – we call – god wants you to suffer.
sometimes, it takes guys closer to him, who see the fallacy of life – in these painstaking instruments of Him. i am unsure how faithless see the whole issue as they would work like glass – completely smashed shattered.
the whole life seems a waste of energy and there is nothing called – courage left – to face the bloody things of everyday routine. i am pretty nervous of repeating the same things again and again and cannot bear the fruits of this ill grown tree called life.
sometimes you think that things should go this way or that, but most of the times – say 99% they won’t – you are ridiculed. thats what is happening. am getting impatient and fully blown out – with the roots of faith – unearthed.
Lord Ganesha -whom i used to like much, is in for His festive season and i am not interested. the practise keeps me taking out of common things and this interest seems to be losing. completely off.
dreams – are of no value as reality seems vague.
writing was a passion, so i have tried to flow the thoughts out in black.
p.s. things may turn out different for others, its upto them how to think of it.
@ Update :
this should not be thought in otherwise – that efforts have been less as compared to those required. i ahve always believed in taking more efforts and trying to produce the best of results “everytime”.
this everytime – hurts – or is try to – as i try it everytime straight from the heart. i ahve been adviced not to kill the hopes and keep trying. a friend reminds me of the same content which i had posted him in an email years before.
but the practicality of the thoughts keeps me away from them, and again for how much duration is the question?
faith has a wide base but when ego falters down amid the clashes of the present tense with past and expectations of the future, there is something that will happen.