letter to sakha

i am into another storm of thoughts, but having peace in thoughts otherwise is still not liked. struggles that create furore are anyways liked by the mind and the intellect, but somehow if a silence comes in between it creates a new void. 
then comes the past following and the realted memories.. the battle starts inside and the thought comes in whther to fight or not… A mistake man creates by himself, is by forgetting the previous mistakes and a lesson is not learned which each of it taught. and they keep in repeating and u repenting. bought back the Tabla instrument.  It was dad’s forceful desire for me learn it, which had kept me the loop for 2-3 long years, now time is available in plenty… my master’s first guru resides just besides me. he meets me in the tea time and tries to get me in his class at everytime he meets me. Classical music has no end, he says. my master had been with him for about 6-7 years and that period he had as many notes that few learn with the instrument in lifetime. later on the master changed his guru and so got popularity with the new guru with the previous master’s notes.
movies in plenty have created a boredom. i feel i am on the lines of the character played by Farhan in luck by chance, his gf leaves him in the end.. uttering that he has turned out to be the most ever selfish man she had ever met. selfish’ness was the most debated issue with my HoD during my Diploma days. He had said, that to be on the top u ned to be utmost selfish person. Without selfishness noone can be at the top. He never said a Hello during the interval times, or else when he met otherwise outside. the craze that has driven me in past few days is the passion and excitement related to movies that would be released in a few days.. the music of the yet to be released movies humming for hours and hours…. filmophobia as they might call that but sure its true. i am no more into life without good music and movies, it becomes so boring.  the end of LBC, is same as such… the herione asks Farhan.. what if a new excitement comes into your life.. you will drop me in between and follow that excitement.. u r so self centric.. all the while you are talking about you and none abt others… hope thats where the problems arise.
Sometimes meditation also brings in me the same feeling of contradicting the same self what me-wanted-to-be or to stop pretending
the way you are. The way somebody wants to live and the way that same sombody is living has a huge ange of differences. somebody compromises,
somebody still wants to change, somebody pretends, and still the other somebody wants to race towards that image s/he has wanted to create for self.
the way time dissolves in the life, that race becomes fierce and you shell out something less important, less and less  important and not important things you thought would be in your future life. And that something comes like a ghost after a periodic gap. you are you which has been evolved in this period and that other you left by time has been seeking to come out ! time oesn’t give you another chance but you think you will? will you?



One Comment Add yours

  1. dineshvd says:

    keep writing, all these thoughts are going to be the best companion of yours. you have come to a stage where you are interacting with your own mind 🙂 – sakhya-hari

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